Black & Yellow Bastards

Hello there Reader.

Yesterday was Ian Herrick's wedding to Ruth Sedgewick (now Herrick). A lovely day was had by all, but more on that some other time.

Yesterday, my hatred of the Wasp grew to proportions unimagineable. Imagine how much God hates The Devil and you'd be pretty close.

As you can see from the accompanying pictures, the wasp was a bane on my disposition.
I SWEAR TO FUCK WASPS, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AT ALL TIMES. I DO NOT "DO" WASPS. HEAR THAT WASP KING? KEEP YOUR CRONIES AWAY FROM MY HEAD. IN FACT ANY LIMB OF MINE IS A 'NO GO' ZONE FOR WASPS OF ALL COLOUR, CREED AND PERSUASION - YES THAT MEANS YOU, GAY WASP.

They are inherently evil. It's a brutal fact of nature that these fuckers are nothing more than paper munching, yellow and black harbingers of death and pain. All of a sudden, they were everywhere. Not just at the church (they tried to eat Marty), but at the other side of Belfast at Stormont. Then, this morning I'm standing on the Woodstock Road and one of the wee bastards attempts to hassle my ear - I'm having none of it. You hear me King Wasp? Time's up.

Con Artists

Drawing inspiration from the eclectic OJ McManuseses wonderfully written "Pondermonium", I thought I'd draw some inspiration from his posts.

Now, when I type "inspiration" I don't mean I'm just going to write about the same inspirational subjects, ratherly, I'm inspired by the clever idea of typing a whole load of paragraphs (consisting of pertinent sentences) based on the subject matter of the title (which I'll choose after I've written my entry. No-one starts with a song title then writes the song, unless you're deliberately trying to craft an opus [or opi] such as Holst's "The Planets" or Fergie's "My Humps".)

The best aspect of the "Pondermonium" is not the subject matter, per se, but the bile filled vitriol that fuels the rant. I need something to rally against if I'm going to be a success at this (of which there is scantly any doubt - check out my photographing).

So, I'm thinking of something that's pissed me off and I got myself re-pissed off again when I thought about the Faith Healers on the Cregagh Road. That really pissed me off (I'm not sure this is vitriolic enough yet, but bear with me, I have other scathing language besides 'pissed off').

So, these Faith Healers are curing the great unwashed of their ailments using the power of faith. Bollocks they are. Absolute utter bollocksy shit filled rubbish. Total and complete shite of the highest regard. In a kingdom ruled by shit and bollocks, these Faith Healers would be the bastard child of Mrs. Queen Shit and Mr. King Testicle.

I know what you're thinking, you're thinking: "You're not making a point or an argument, you're just expressing your opinion in a cool, funky and obscene manner" and you'd be right. So, on with the reasoning.

Faith Healers of the world - riddle me this. Why the fuck does God hate amputees? Apparently, Lord God of All Creation™ can cure you of back pain or a bunion but can't regrow a leg? Some lizards (one of His creations) can regenerate lost limbs. Why didn’t He design humans with the same function? Ok, let’s say He forgot, He was too busy with His flagellum, then just allow the Faith Healers to do the curing after the fact. Piss easy. (God, I know you probably can read this, so take note.)

If you've got a repetitive strain injury from one-handed internet surfing (that was a euphemism for masturbation), He can cure that RSI right out of you. But, HIV? Nope. Cancer? Nope. The Almighty, in his infinite wisdom, having his radiant love light channelled through 3 Muppets facing the Co-Op on a Saturday morning, can only deal with the mundane (and anything that can be treated with placebo).

If you Faith Healers, or as I call you, Conning Bastards, can really help the sick and lame, get your fat bible loving arses down to the fucking lab and win a Noble Prize - you've discovered a new branch of biology and physics. Violating all known natural law is miraculous and you need to tell the world about it! Hurry, this is very important - probably the greatest discovery in all of human existence! Curing the sick and proving that He actually exists!

If, on the other hand, you're an exploitative bunch of delusional fucko's, hellbent on corrupting the vulnerable and preying on the weak, I have nothing but utter contempt for you.

Anyways, I say live and let live. If you want to believe this shit is real, then knock yourself out. Just keep it off my fucking streets; don’t try and cure me when I’m heading to Tesco’s for a loaf.

Don't forget the official Importerance gallery:

http://picasaweb.google.com/ste5131

Phew!

Was out for dinner on Friday night (shit) and Saturday night (great).

So, I'm sitting in work today (I have to sit, I don't work in McDonald's) and was seeing some brilliant things in my minds eye that would make brilliant pictures.

I realise now that it's hard to photograph my imagination, though I have tried many times without success.

If you do want to give it a go, think of something great, like a waterfall or a slightly damp beach ball bouncing on some sand collecting grains as it goes. Hold that thought and concentrate. Hold camera with an aperture of 58.9 and a shutter speed of 1/300 up to your ear (left or right is ok) and hit the shutter release.

Like I've said, it doesn't work too well, but if you shoot in RAW, Adobe Lightroom should be able to recover some of the underexposed detail.

Let me know of your results.

Alrighty - here we are again. Sorry to dwell on this, but you can really see how great my eye for a picture is. I'm lost for words but sometimes I settle with "exemplary" and that seems to fit quite well.

This shot was taken during the day, mid afternoon on Ema's Birthday.

I feel it perfectly captures the personalities of my subjects; Ema is drinking a Diet Coke and Richard is not convinced as to the labelling and is trying to take a sneaky peak at the contents!

/ Aperture Priority Mode / Nikon D40 / 4GB generic SDHC £12.99 from Play.com / Aperture 6.8 f stops /
/ 0 stops from greatness / lighting natural / subjects are real people / HDR: No! / Battery Level: 2 Bars /
/ Shutter Speed: Average /

Bravo me!

So, here's another one of my skills. HDR. Yep, High Definition Range.

It's really the future of Photography; the idea is that you take a load of pictures of the same thing - really, it's that easy!

Take a load of pics of one thing, each picture at a different exposure then join them up in PhotoShop or similar program and Hey Flippin' Presto, HDR! Mental.

Here's one I did earlier. It took me 2 minutes to take the pictures, then another 4 hours with PhotoShop. Well worth it!

Following on from the post below - this blog thing puts the most recent at the top - how are you supposed to know what I'm talking about if I make an obscure reference to something clever I said earlier?

Anyway, following on from the post below, you can see that my real strength with Digital DSLR photography lies in Portraiture. I don't know what it is, but you can really see the talent in this one:

Welcome again.

I've become very proficient at digital SLR photography, I thought I'd share some of my best shots and techniques with my readers.

(I'm not so good with formatting my Blog, so ignore that.)

Pic#1
I call this "Back of Richard's Head On A Sunday"
As you can see, it's the epitomy of the 'candid'.
Aperture @ 3.2 coming in with a f stop of 5.2

Pic#2

This one is called "A Sky @ Nite" although I don't have a clue what that streak down the middle of it is.

I guess it's a reflection of Ema using the remote to change the TV from something good to something shite.

Aperture @ 8888.8 bouncing off an f stop of 6.3, long exposure @ bulb setting on a time-plus-backaround approx. 4.

How'd that song from "Cats" go?

"Memories - not a page on the pavement - under the streetlight" ?

Anyways, not too sure about that. Onwards.

Was thinking about things today, I couldn't help it, it's something my brain does automatically - sometimes I think (oh the irony) that I'm not even in control of my brain. Away it goes, doing thinking all by itself; things like:

"That air freshner is pretty delicate."
"What time is it?"
"Where'd I put that thing?"
"Purple plectrums ain't very rock'n'roll."
"Christ, it's cold."
"Coco Chops."

Away witchoo.

BLAST FROM THE ACTUAL PAST!

Seriously, this picture is from the past.

Xmas day, 2003.

(The red eye is genuine.)

December 25th is a date to celebrate not because it is the disputed birthday of the "son of God" but because it is the actual birthday of one of the world's greatest men

http://richarddawkins.net/article,2026,Happy-Newton-Day,Richard-Dawkins-New-Statesman

My first baby book and my first external Xmas pressie (we got a camera with funds).

I didn't know what the fuck had arrived. Ema was in the bog and I went downstairs and there's a package for me.

Was it another signed book courtesy of Scott? Fucking hell, it wasn't.

Upon opening I fucking pissed myself! Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. I fucking love it. I haven't laughed in days.





On a more serious note:

I rememeber such manuals lying about the cul de sac where I did my growing up.
Oil covered wads of knowledge that I'd steal a browse through; learning shit I'd never remember; learning shit I didn't think I was supposed to know.

My thanks go to Mark - not only for suprising me, but for hauling up memories and for being the first to furnish me with such delights. Thank you.

Back on my Birthday (the date I was born) (16th November no less) the great guys in my great work held a fancy dress in my honour (or honor if you're yank)!!!

I just so happened to have my handy vidcam to hand.

Many congrats to Ian Herrick for the beautiful lyrics. I'm sure if he was about he'd congratulate me on the wonderful music and editing.

Speaking literally and metaphorically, I got a new camera.

Hence:

I am BACK Modda Fokkaas!

Nearly a year in the making, I think you'll agree this post was worth it.

Hi Everyone!!

Hope you are all still reading this! (if you can't read, ask someone else to read it to you; and make sure they don't leave out my intentional but hilarious puncutation).

Hope you all had a good Xmas. I got "The God Delusion" by the wonderful Richard Dawkins; the irony wasn't lost on me (I already had a copy).

THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS REVISITED

Another EK-FUCKING-SCLUSIVE from the Importerance blog.

What follows is a portion of a transcript from the original script!
It was originally written on Word (MS Office 2003 version) so I just had to cut 'n' paste.
But it is from the original document.


FADE TO BLACK

MARTY V.O.
“I’m going to cut to the chase. What happens in between is not important. What is important is that Owen shafted me like a professional chimney sweep. Such a sorrow was to be expected.”

CUT TO:

SCENE IV

INT DAY

MARTY is standing in a room. There is a person sat at the other end. He is wearing a skeleton mask.

MARTY V.O.
“And sorrow it was.”

ARDENLEE AVENUE
REVISTED

Let me recount the day we did the chase scene!!

It was horribly cold and wet. Marty knew that he'd end up lying on the ground, after we run him over with the scooter of course. He wasn't pleased but I told him:

STE

*in Director mode*

"Marty, you're'n acter. This is called Method Acting."

And with that, he accepted my unflawed logical approach and lay down in the wet!

The special FX and stunt sequences were the hardest, from a Producer's point of view. The bike wouldn't start you see (it was December and the scooter was allergic) and we had to fake it!
Bet you never noticed. If you look carefully you can tell it was shot in front of blue screen. We couldn't get green screen cuz my bessie mate and all round top guy, Pete "The Meat" Jackson was doing the Big Monkey film.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I mean reading. Of course I did.

Hello!

And welcome to the official blog of
Stephen Samuel Donnan-Donnan.

Thought I'd resurrect this old boy; I found it in the state I left it in back in June 2001. I took out the old posts as they were the ramblings of a drunk/stoned 19 year old.

This time, I promise will be a lot different. It's be the ramblings of a drunk 24 year old (that is til I get to be 25).